Originally published at Flutter – Dark and Divine

We are all set upon this earth with our own set challenges. Some of us have it more difficult than others, some are blessed, some are damned. Some are equal tinctures of both.

Some persevere and blossom, others flicker and fade. To which end, is not predetermined, rather guided by the decisions we make. Every one thing effects every one other. From the minute to the grand, our daily pro and con list steers us in one direction or another. As fragrant petals in a windstorm, yet guided by a hand of our making.

Our experiences are not always ours to control, but how we react to them is. I have been mired in a sickly sweet cloud of terror for the better part of 15 years. Until recently, there was a sense of continual fleeing. A sense of having to watch over my shoulder, as I ran forward. Fear, panic, fear, panic.

The truth? Until recently I thought it was all my fault.

The truth? It wasn’t. What is my fault is how I handled the aftermath. What is my fault are the many unwitting hearts that were crushed in my wake. What is my fault is how careless I was with my own tender heart. What is my fault is forgiving myself for none of it, and still expecting my life to progress. In this moment, I can see a long and littered roadmap. The signs are clear. The signs have always been clear and I have stubbornly kept staid in my own version of the world. Those facades are falling, and behind the dilapidated bricks that have built my wall, the beauty of my architecture is starting to show.

With it, there is work to be done. There are banisters to polish, things must be repaired, walls need to be demolished, new ones erected. In these still rooms,  where sunlight has never touched; the flooding of light begins.

Editor’s pick by Lara from Life: The Ongoing Education: Flutter is one of my favorite blogs because no matter what Christine posts, it will make me think.  Sometimes she writes about something that makes me gasp and think, “Me too!” because I know exactly what she’s describing; other times, she shocks me with her experiences, because her life has been so different from mine, and I feel she has so much to teach me.  I know she will have tons to teach you too. Read more of Flutter, and subscribe to the feed for a regular dose of dark divinity. Read the original post along with all the reader comments.