How to deal with trolls

Social Media and Blogging Blog Nosh Magazine{Originally published on The Bloggess}

Yesterday someone asked me how to deal with trolls and haters. I have no damn idea.

Trolls are just like you and me.  Only shittier.  Or more honest.  Or likely to murder gypsies.  Fuck, I don’t know.  I’m not a mind reader.  I don’t know the motivation of everyone reading your blog but what I do know is that in real life you come across assholes and weirdos and someone out there is selling computers to these people.  People like the guy who left me this comment:

“I was right, you aren’t that hot. Damn.”

I didn’t mind that some stranger thought I was un-hot but what was disconcerting was that in the photo the guy was referring to? I was seven.  And totally hot.

Or that comment I got on my I-invented-a-scooter/flame-thrower/cookie-warmer post which simply said:

“Your retarded.”

Holy shit, y’all.  “Your.”  This is a real fucking comment.  I laughed so hard I woke up the dog.  Who’s been dead for 4 years.  That’s not to say that it doesn’t suck when people write shitty things about you because it does.  Like recently I accidentally fell into a shitstorm and I was all “PEOPLE ARE WRITING HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT ME!” and my friend Karen was like “O-o-oh.  You mean the stupid people.  You’re supposed to ignore those people.  Because they’re stupid.”  And I did.  And it was fine.  But when it’s happening it’s not quite so easy to just ignore it and then you get sucked into the everyone hates me/I’m not popular/I never get any comments shame spiral and that’s why I created these cards for people who are dealing with this kind of crap:

Meh.  They’re not all gonna be winners.

I guess what I’m saying is that trolls can actually be a good thing.  Yes, they’re evil but they’re also entertaining.  That’s why they’re in so many children’s books.  I mean, that Billy Goat Gruff story would be pretty boring if it was about a kindly old homeless dude under the bridge who gave out Jolly Ranchers and compliments to the billy goats.  I wouldn’t read it.  Look, I don’t know why trolls are the way they are.  Maybe they’re bullies who never grew up.  Maybe they were picked on in high school and think this will even the score.  Maybe they’re right and you actually are the anti-Christ.  I don’t know.  But what I do know is that in a way trolls are kinda good for everyone.  Except goats.

PS.  If you are still depressed about getting nasty comments you should email me and I will tell you that whoever is fucking with you is a lunatic.  And also you should watch this.  Because it’s awesome.

Comment of the day: You are totally hot in that picture. Pa would be able to put his hands around your tiny waist for sure (remember how in Little House on The Prairie Laura was ALWAYS FREAKING TALKING ABOUT HOW SMALL HER MOM’S WAIST WAS GET OVER IT ALREADY YOU ANOREXIC-WANNABE PRAIRIE PSYCHO?…. ahem. I have some unresolved issues there. Also I typed “Hose” instead of “House” and that was funny, because I am a 12-year-old boy.*)

*not really. 12 or a boy, I mean. It was really funny ~ Superblondgirl

Editor’s Pick by Megan from Velveteen Mind:  I broke our own rules in order to share this post with you, as it isn’t even off of Jenny’s front page, yet.  I thought it was the perfect introduction to her sense of humor, hilarious Photoshop tricks, and ability to find completely crazy YouTube videos, a skill which will come in handy as our YouTube Channel Editor.  Consider yourself warned: the first time I read The Bloggess, I stayed on the site for hours, reading her archives and crying laughing.

She gets tons of comments, which you will see on her original post, and they are usually just as entertaining as the posts.  A truly vibrant member of the blogging community, she chooses one of her favorite comments to tack onto the end of her posts as she moves on to her next one, so be sure to dive in and let her know what you think!  Don’t forget to subscribe while you are there, because you won’t want to miss an ounce of her awesome.

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4 Comments to “How to deal with trolls”

  1. Marinka says:

    I’m not sure that things turned out too well for Hemingway. Well, maybe they did for a while. Or are we talking about writing only here?

    Omg, am I a troll now?
    And, why is it “genitals”? shouldn’t it be singular, like everyone has one?

    Anyway, yay that Jenny is here now too! The more Jenny, the better!

  2. Its_Lily says:

    Oh, this site is hilarious. But one thing I should point out, I’m a Troll – not for the reasons you mention, but because in Michigan I live ‘below’ the bridge. That makes me a Troll. ahahaha Seriously, I think it’s hilarious!

    Its_Lilys last blog post..More Basement Thrifting

  3. You know it’s going to get interesting when there is talk of trolls and genital stabbings on a see-saw. Wow – that came out completely wrong.

    katie ~ motherbumpers last blog post..missing link mall walks

  4. Vacca says:

    I just wanted to thank you for this article, as it made me feel better. I’ve battled trolls before and thought I’d matured to the point where I’d found the best way of dealing with them: ignoring them. Then, a few days ago, I posted something on a blog that I thought was intellectual, but ended up being met with derision, insults, belittlement and outright hostility. I took offense, and before I knew it: I WAS A TROLL. I didn’t care. I set out to annoy and antagonize those “adults” and “intellectuals” that were attacking me. After a few days, I came to realize that they were the very thing they were accusing me of.

    Being a TROLL or being the victim of a TROLL, are really two sides of the same coin. If you don’t like what someone posts, and you can reply without resorting to insults/belittlement/juvenile behavior etc etc then ignore the post and walk away. That’s really the only way to win.

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