The Facts (for Some People)

Birth and Adoption Blog Nosh Magazine{Originally Published on Swistle}

Some people find they can “Sleep now, because you won’t after the baby’s here!” Some people find their sleep batteries don’t work that way.

Some people have labors that are empowering and make them wonder why other women make such a fuss about it. Some people have labors that bring them to a crisis of faith about human design, because the Eve thing is insufficient explanation for this crap. Some people have labors that give them reason to be grateful for advances in medical science.

Some people will fall in love with their newborns instantly, on sight. Some people are fascinated right away, but not in love for a few days or weeks. Some people don’t fall in love for months.

Some people get the agreeable, laid-back kind of baby. Some people get the colicky, crabby kind of baby. Some people get the angry, opinionated kind of baby. Some people get the happy, bossy kind of baby. Some people get the whiny, fearful kind of baby. Some people get the early-developing, adventurous kind of baby. Some people get the irritable, rule-following kind of baby. Nobody should take much credit or much blame for their allotted baby.

Some people will get babies who will cooperate with the baby-wrangling system the parents have chosen. Some people will get babies who require a re-evaluation of system requirements.

Some people find they can “Appreciate every moment!” Some people find they can only appreciate it later, looking back on it, when they’re well-rested and well-dressed and fuzzy-memoried, standing in a supermarket telling a stranger to appreciate every moment.

Some people think the newborn stage is the best. Some people don’t really like babies until they reach the less-shriveled stage around 2 or 3 months. Some people don’t really like babies until they’re not babies anymore.

Some people find that the impact of children on their lives is so severe, they need to warn the world how bad it can be. Some people find that the impact of children on their lives is so wonderful, they need to tell the world how amazing it can be. Some people find themselves confused about what exactly it is they want to tell the world.

Some people find that a new baby brings them closer to each other. Some people find that a new baby makes them feel like killing each other for chewing so loud.

Some people will find breastfeeding natural and easy. Some people will find it painful and difficult. Some people will find it a little from Column A, a little from Column B. Some people won’t do it at all, for various reasons that there is absolutely no reason for anyone else to inquire about.

Some people will find that breastfeeding melts the baby weight RIGHT OFF. Some people will find that they can’t lose the last pounds until after the baby is weaned. Some people will never lose their baby weight. Some people will gain weight for other reasons and will blame it on the baby.

Some people will find night feedings a chore, but not too bad. Some people will feel like leaping off a cliff. Either way, the child eventually sleeps through the night. Or grows up and leaves home.

Some people find a well of patience they never knew they had. Some people find a well of love they never knew they had. Some people find a well of rage they never knew they had. Some people get a grab-bag and never know what kind of day it’s going to be.

Some people will be done after one child. Some people will be done after two children. Some people will be done after three, or four, or five, or six children. Some people will never be done. Some people will not be able to understand that different people want different numbers.

Some people say a lot of stuff about how they plan to bring up children, and then later they find they have to take a lot of it back. Some people notice this happening to other people, and are careful not to talk too much about their plans.

Some people will have listened mostly to talk about how beautiful and magical and fulfilling the child-rearing experience is. They will be in for a surprise. Some people will have listened mostly to talk about how horrible and barfy and crazy-making the child-rearing experience is. They will be in for a surprise.

Editors Pick by Jennifer from Playgroups are No Place for Children:  I discovered Swistle through a comment she’d left on another blog.  I clicked through to her blog over three years ago and have been hooked ever since.  This post, like so much of what she writes, is so level headed, witty, true, and exceptionally written.  Swistle is a blogger you won’t be able to stop reading with her biting wit and amazing ability to put into words what most people fumble.  Don’t miss another post, subscribe to her feed and follow her on Twitter.

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3 Comments to “The Facts (for Some People)”

  1. jive turkey says:

    Brilliant, as one can expect from Swistle.

  2. Loved and get all of it .
    heading over there, thank you.

  3. Amy says:

    This should be a handout for all new parents!! I love it!

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