Stolen Treasure

{by Gailt Breen of These Little Waves}


photo credit: Sean Hubbard/@seanhubbard

I look at him through red rimmed eyes. He wipes my cheek dry with one thumb and asks, Are you happy?

Yes. No. Sometimes.

Yes, when I’m focused.

No, when I falter.

Sometimes.

We sit in the center of our bed like our three children often do. Our room is large but this space in it is small. Our toes touch. Our voices conspire.

He is loving mixed with worry. I am anxious laced with anger.

Anger because he dared scratch beneath the surface of what I want seen. I am faltering.

When I’m focused, I see a straight path to my treasure. The obstacles along the way are simply tasks to complete.

But inevitably, I falter. I falter. It is my own undoing every single time. I steal my own confidence. My own vision. My own focus.

I hide these treasures somewhere deep inside until they are no longer visible. And I replace them with ugliness. Fear. Insecurity. Jealousy.

What makes you happy? He asks, leading me back.

The kids, you, writing. I list my gems one by one, keeping track on my fingers. I try to hide behind my words, but I can’t.

I slump and put my counting hand down. I need a break. He smiles, because this he can fix.

We talk quietly. Share days. Make plans.

I tuck my children into bed again.

I take advantage of a hot shower and soft fleece.

I ignore my multiplying to do list and spend time with a friend.

Wine and laughter soothe my soul. I share my writing goals. They are big and seem far away.

I’m scared to try.

You’ll be great.

When I falter, kind words wash over me without making the tiniest of imprints.

When I’m focused, I open the door, gently unroll each one, and welcome it in. Believe in it and allow it to restore me.

I have a choice to make, a task to complete. Let go of my stolen treasures and continue down this spiral or consciously stop. Refocus. Reclaim what is rightfully mine.

I come home and softly make my way through each sleeping room.

I breathe in the stillness at each stop and place one hand on each rhythmic heartbeat just for a moment. Careful not to wake, ready to summon the goodness back to me.

I tiptoe downstairs and melt into the large green chair. I wrap myself up in the sheer yellow blanket, open my laptop and begin to type.

Each tap of the keys is a claim: These treasures are mine. I see them, and I am taking them back.

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Story Editor: Heather King ::: @HeatheroftheEO

Edited By | November 28th, 2011 | Category: Featured 2, HeatherEO, Memoir, Nonfiction, Tuesday 2 | 76 comments

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76 Comments to “Stolen Treasure”

  1. Frelle
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 28, 2011 at 9:46 am

    this is one of my favorite posts from you, beyond heartwarming and so relatable. glad storybleed spotlighted you!!

    Reply
  2. Story Bleed Magazine says:
    November 28, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Stolen Treasure http://t.co/eOy8oCGW

    Reply
  3. HeatheroftheEO says:
    November 28, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    The lovely and talented @GalitBreen is featured on @StoryBleed today.She doesn't disappoint :) – http://t.co/tp54DFLE

    Reply
  4. Jenna Farelyn says:
    November 28, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    RT @HeatheroftheEO: The lovely and talented @GalitBreen is featured on @StoryBleed today.She doesn't disappoint :) – http://t.co/F384qnXa

    Reply
  5. lyzl says:
    November 28, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    RT @heatheroftheeo: The lovely and talented @GalitBreen is featured on @StoryBleed today.She doesn't disappoint :) – http://t.co/qhNKjyEg

    Reply
  6. giftsforbabies says:
    November 28, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    Stolen Treasure http://t.co/y35l0Kvo

    Reply
  7. wendy @ mama one to three
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 28, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    Love the writing–both sure footed and gentle in its tone. & I love this lit mag! I didn’t know about it before.
    wendy @ mama one to three recently posted..I Am a Guest: Charitable Works and Ballet Flats

    Reply
  8. Galit Breen says:
    November 28, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    I'm thrilled to have this post on @StoryBleed today! {Please read} Stolen Treasure http://t.co/y5cVZpQa

    Reply
  9. Ash
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 28, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    I really need to favorite this one. I loved it the first time. I needed it the second.

    Go, Galit, go!
    Ash recently posted..Oh the places she will go.

    Reply
  10. Mary Lauren @ My3LittleBirds
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 28, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    One of my favorites by one of my favorites. Congratulations, Galit.
    Mary Lauren @ My3LittleBirds recently posted..Out Cold

    Reply
  11. HeatheroftheEO says:
    November 28, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    @galitbreen Thank YOU. @storybleed is happy to have you and your Stolen Treasure http://t.co/tNpeijxp

    Reply
  12. Tenny says:
    November 28, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    When I see the picture, I remember my father because he is one of the persons I know who is using this typewriter…
    Tenny recently posted..How to Deal With The Xbox 360 3 Red Ring Problem

    Reply
  13. Story Bleed Magazine says:
    November 29, 2011 at 2:30 am

    Each tap of the keys is a claim to the Stolen Treasure by @Galitbreen http://t.co/uuwdsvEB

    Reply
  14. Mary Lauren Weimer says:
    November 29, 2011 at 2:36 am

    Each tap of the keys is a claim to the Stolen Treasure by @Galitbreen http://t.co/uuwdsvEB

    Reply
  15. Galit Breen says:
    November 29, 2011 at 3:16 am

    This post is so very close to my heart. {Please read} RT @StoryBleed Stolen Treasure by @Galitbreen http://t.co/9eKWGpZi

    Reply
  16. hubs says:
    November 30, 2011 at 12:44 am

    One of my photos was used in @storybleed Magazine. Cool. http://t.co/lNShquGb

    Reply
  17. Story Bleed : These Little Waves says:
    November 30, 2011 at 12:46 am

    [...] writing is on Story Bleed today.” I [...]

    Reply
  18. Alison@Mama Wants This says:
    November 30, 2011 at 12:52 am

    I so love this, beautiful, Galit.

    Reply
  19. Rachel (Totally Ovar It)
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 30, 2011 at 1:30 am

    Oh! How I adore this post! Your writing is beautiful and heartfelt. You paint an amazingly finite picture of your feelings.

    Reply
  20. Kimberly
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 30, 2011 at 1:37 am

    I so love this. It’s beautiful and raw. Amazing as always!
    Kimberly recently posted..Our News

    Reply
  21. Jessie Powell
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 30, 2011 at 9:05 am

    While I was switching medications this summer (I’m bipolar) I lost my writing for a little over a month. It just went. I felt this way then. That awful spiral where every effort to focus my mind just sent it off on some other painful tangent. I hated it. Medicine helped. Eventually, I came back. I’m glad that whatever caused you to feel this way, you came back from it, too.
    Jessie Powell recently posted..It’s the Muppet Show

    Reply
  22. Kristen @ Motherese
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 30, 2011 at 10:43 am

    Thrilled, as always, to read your words, Galit. You have a remarkable way of voicing my own fears and dreams. I hope someday to meet you in person, to talk about our kids and writing and life and love and faltering in real time. xo
    Kristen @ Motherese recently posted..Baby Steps

    Reply
  23. Tracy Morrison says:
    November 30, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    Love reading @galitbreen here – Stolen Treasure | Story Bleed Magazine http://t.co/jJCvabYn via @storybleed

    Reply
  24. Claudia Simpson says:
    November 30, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    After watching this picture, I remember my father because he is one of the persons I know who is using this typewriter, thanks for sharing, keep up the good work.
    Claudia Simpson recently posted..Forex

    Reply
  25. Sue Campbell
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    I get it. I SO get it. Well done.

    Reply
  26. Sue Campbell
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    I get it. I SO get it. Well done, Galit.
    Sue Campbell recently posted..Chapped

    Reply
  27. Kristen @ Motherese says:
    November 30, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    Check out @GalitBreen's words on focus and faltering at @StoryBleed: Stolen Treasure | Story Bleed Magazine http://t.co/YmKUAvhe

    Reply
  28. julie gardner
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 30, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    I. Love. This.

    I always feel as if I’m faltering. I always think I need a break. I always hide my fears.
    From everyone. Including myself.

    But the treasures? No one can take them away.
    They’re mine to keep. And give.

    Reply
  29. Dina
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 30, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Breathtaking, as always. You have what seems like an excellent partner and friend. Hugs and kisses!
    Dina recently posted..Oh, Christmas Tree

    Reply
  30. Runnermom-jen
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 30, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    Congrats, Galit!! Such a beautiful and heart wrenching post!

    Reply
  31. Kristen
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 30, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    I wish that Galit could climb into my head and heart and put all of my emotions and put them into beautifully written words. She amazes me at the feeling behind each and every word she chooses.
    Kristen recently posted..The Holiday Grinches…

    Reply
  32. jessica
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 30, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    So beautiful Galit and just as amazing to see you here.
    jessica recently posted..Every Little Girl’s Dream

    Reply
  33. Renee Schuls-Jacobson
    Twitter:
    says:
    December 1, 2011 at 12:45 am

    Oh Galit! This is your story, but isn’t it every writer-momma’s story? I want 3 more hours every day. For my own. It sounds selfish, right? But I need to move my brain and my hand. I need to see that I can create something from nothing. Like you do. I’m so glad to have met you. (kind of.) Is it wrong to want more?
    Renee Schuls-Jacobson recently posted..Lessons From Mrs. Gurney: Guest Post by Penny Thoyts

    Reply
  34. Jessica says:
    December 1, 2011 at 1:11 am

    A beautiful post Galit and I know how you feel.
    Jessica recently posted..Customize Your WordPress Screen Options and Close Comments

    Reply
  35. Julie Gardner says:
    December 1, 2011 at 2:33 am

    Thanks for the RT, my sweet @GalitBreen. Your post at http://t.co/AlZZ4BlF today has me thinking…still.

    Reply
  36. jlweinberg says:
    December 1, 2011 at 3:41 am

    This is really lovely: Stolen Treasure | Story Bleed Magazine http://t.co/6axk1rXa via @storybleed

    Reply
  37. Ruth says:
    December 1, 2011 at 5:39 am

    You really have a good talent when it comes to words and making a wonderful post. Your talent is beyond exceptional and that is what I love best.
    Ruth recently posted..Winning Lottery

    Reply
  38. Katie Hurley says:
    December 1, 2011 at 6:30 am

    Stolen Treasure | Story Bleed Magazine http://t.co/ROCq9mHc via @storybleed

    Reply
    • Anil
      Twitter:
      says:
      November 25, 2012 at 11:35 pm

      I am so so SO sorry that you endured that hoibrrle vicious beast and that you never got the help that you rightfully deserved. I can’t even imagine going through something so terrible like PPD without family or with out help. My heart breaks for you my friend.I am so proud of you for posting this.Know that, and heaven forbid, that with scrumplette, if you notice anything different, please, please get help. You don’t have to suffer in silence.Have you taken the risk assessment???Love you honey.Kimberly recently posted..

      Reply
  39. elissapr says:
    December 1, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Oh Galit. How you’re writing has evolved. Each word carefully thought out. Phrases that evoke so much emotion. Loved this.

    Reply
  40. Taya says:
    December 1, 2011 at 11:48 am

    Excellent prose…. a real joy to read! Thanks for the inspiration, Galit!

    -Taya Anderson
    Taya recently posted..female psychology

    Reply
  41. Elizabeth Flora Ross
    Twitter:
    says:
    December 1, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    I am in awe of you. You are truly gifted.

    Reply
  42. angela
    Twitter:
    says:
    December 1, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    This is so very beautiful-calming and empowering at the same time. I loved the original and love this more, tonight, when I am feeling the need for this sort of boost. Thank you Galit, always.

    Reply
  43. JDaniel4's Mom
    Twitter:
    says:
    December 2, 2011 at 8:07 am

    I love how she settled in to reclaim the treasure she has within her. Brilliant!
    JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..Read.Explore.Learn.- Joey and Jet in Space

    Reply
  44. Elaine
    Twitter:
    says:
    December 2, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    You greatly illustrate the tug and pull of our lives as women who want to do so many things and love them all fiercely. Your words, as always, are beautiful and ring true. xo
    Elaine recently posted..Half Mary, Here I Come!

    Reply
  45. Chessa says:
    December 4, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    This is one of the most important things from the past where computers originated..
    Chessa recently posted..Do you know DJ Lance Rock?

    Reply
  46. Yuliya says:
    December 17, 2011 at 1:30 am

    Ah yes I understand. Beautifully written Galit, as always.
    Yuliya recently posted..Mini hiatus

    Reply
  47. Jenny Sophy says:
    December 20, 2011 at 2:49 am

    It has been an enriching experience reading this post.
    Jenny Sophy recently posted..Is it easy to build an iPhone app?

    Reply

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