In This Skin
{By Rachel at A Southern Fairytale}
Comfortable in this skin.
I’m not. And I am.
I’ve gained weight. Quite a bit.
I look at you and I don’t see your size, I see your sparkling eyes, your boisterous infectious laugh, your beautiful hair, your captivating smile, your heart, your elegant hands, your adorable sprinkling of freckles, the bounce in your step, your sassy-ness; all the things that make you who you are, the things that endear you to me, draw me to you.
And yet.
And. Yet.
All I see, when I look at me… the excess.
I am completely comfortable in my skin, when I forget. When the image in my head is the one that I believe.. the healthy girl who rocks the hour glass figure and is damn proud of it.
The girl with the strong legs, childbearing hips, curving waist, powerful shoulders.
But right now… that hour glass is more an hour and a half…maybe two.
I want to be healthier. for me.
Tonight I watched a video by a friend and her husband and it brought tears to my eyes. That’s love. That’s confidence. She inspires me. I adore her.
She is one of the most beautiful people that I’ve ever known. You can get lost in her eyes and her laughter and smile…magnetic.
I have a vision of who I am. I am a cute, spunky, curvy woman… I always have been.
And yet right now… I’m not happy with my outside.
and I struggle.
I NEVER speak of weight, size, numbers or scales.
Because I have a daughter. A beautiful, athletic girl who thinks that I am gorgeous and perfect and funny and smart and beautiful.
I do not want her to ever see me as anything but. I do not ever want her to see herself as anything but.
However, I know that I need to be healthier, for her. For my son. For my husband, for me.
I want to put clothes on again and enjoy them. I want to walk past a mirror and not have it stop me and slam me back to reality.
I am not a size 6, I am not a size 8… I am a woman with curves and slopes and I love them; I want to get back to the me who loves them again.
My husband looks at me and runs his hands over my curves and I feel sexy, as long as I don’t look myself.
I want to look at myself and love my body again.
I want to rock my hour glass again.
I do not wish to be thin, I am a food lover. I love to eat, I love to cook, I love to drink, I love to savor.
It is a struggle. It is my own.
I want my outsides to match my insides.
Confident. Laughing. Strong.
I will do this for me.
I will do this for my daughter.
This is my gauntlet to myself.
: : : : : : : : : : :
More often than not you’ll find Rachel writing about food; this departure is powerful and inspiring.
Subscribe to A Southern Fairytale in a reader or by email.
She tweets as @SthrnFairytale and has a Facebook page.
Discovered by Story Editor, Robin Dance :: PENSIEVE :: @PensieveRobin
Edited By Jen Playgroupie | July 30th, 2012 | Category: Featured 2, Memoir, Nonfiction, Robin at Pensieve, Wednesday 2 | 29 comments
In This Skin http://t.co/D3kkt9yG
Honest and compelling. In This Skin by @sthrnfairytale. Featured by story editor @pensieverobin http://t.co/dYUEp1MB
Honest and compelling. In This Skin by @sthrnfairytale. Featured by story editor @pensieverobin http://t.co/dYUEp1MB
Twitter: shellykramer
says:
Oh, so beautiful. And as the mother of four who is probably nearly old enough to be YOUR mother, I am so proud of you for this post. And yes, it is your gauntlet to yourself – today, but know that you, my dear, are beautiful JUST AS YOU ARE. Today. Yesterday. And tomorrow. For it is what is within you that makes you beautiful. And, for the record, the outside of you? Pretty freakin’ beautiful, too.
I am so very honored to call you ‘friend.’
And most importantly, let’s keep all of this from our daughters les we infect them with these thoughts we all have of ‘perfection’ and (mostly) how wrong we all are.
Love you! Love this post!
Shelly
Twitter: juliedutch
says:
I have been struggling with this same thing. You “spoke” them well for both of us.
Thank you.
Julie recently posted..If you believe in something…
Twitter: amandamagee
says:
May just be the hardest thing to love ourselves and forgive ourselves with the same compassion that we would counsel anyone we loved to have.
Your sparkle and your ability are always there.
Amanda recently posted..Enter a New Frame
Twitter: mommynamedapril
says:
so with you. so so with you. xo
MommyNamedApril recently posted..Beachtastic.
This is how I felt at Blissdom last year. And BlogHer 2 years ago…and 3 years ago…and the list goes on.
It is so hard to be comfortable in my own skin, so hard to accept myself the way I accept everyone else. I wish I could see myself the way everyone else does.
You are not alone. We are all in this together. And guess what? I think you are beautiful and strong and amazing.
Kim recently posted..Dear Elliott, I’m Sorry.
I'm surprised by the me that shows up in photos. She's not the me in my head. @sthrnfairytale captures it @StoryBleed: http://t.co/38fz3zMs
Ok this made me cry, and I'm honored for the shout out! http://t.co/ZzX9DPTY
Twitter: wAnaZwhCilJXd
says:
Assertiveness vs. AggressivenessEvent: Diversity Dialogue, “Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness”Where: IPFW, Walb Student Union rooms 222-226 please note, this is a chgane for this month!When: Wednesday, October 24, 2012Time: 12:00 1:30 pmIt’s easy to advise someone experiencing domestic violence to leave the situation. But what about self-defense classes, pepper spray, or carrying weapons? How can we reconcile our perceptions of safety and security with reality? What about feelings of anger and frustration that domestic violence survivors must learn to handle?This month’s Diversity Dialogue, in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, explores these issues related to finding balance between assertiveness and aggressiveness as it relates to domestic violence survival.Join us for an interactive exercise on survivors of domestic violence and why they can be aggressive versus assertive, and learn the difference.This and all other Diversity Dialogues are free and open to the public. Free parking will be available in the campus parking garage and there will be persons available to direct community members to the Dialogue.To join us, RSVP on our YWCA Northeast Indiana Facebook page, or contact our Administrative Coordinator, Sue Hiatt, and (260) 424-4908 ext. 254.
If only more people understood. Thank you for this beautiful article. http://t.co/NsdcabN7
Ok this made me cry, and I'm honored for the shout out! http://t.co/ZzX9DPTY
Just read this after seeing @barefootfoodie tweet, crying and laughing http://t.co/VjSoKt84 @sthrnfairytale
In This Skin on @storybleed by @sthrnfairytale is one of those essays where you nod your head and see yourself. http://t.co/tT6EHY8v
I love this post. It says it all. I can relate to every word. http://t.co/N4YTRYGh
In This Skin on @storybleed by @sthrnfairytale is one of those essays where you nod your head and see yourself. http://t.co/tT6EHY8v
beautifull said – In This Skin | Story Bleed Magazine http://t.co/tbel6f0d via @storybleed
@alice_clayton TY for introducing me to this blog…I laughed, cried, and then printed & stuck copies everywhere! http://t.co/ouFhpnyN
@sthrnfairytale New to your blog via @shellykramer. This post http://t.co/dSfUx5IR rocks my world. Amazing.
Twitter: lickmyspoon
says:
Rachel, you brave, beautiful, amazing woman. Thank you for sharing this. Snaps, girlfriend. And big hugs
Steph @ Lick My Spoon recently posted..High Five Fridays: Weekly Meal Plan (7.27.12), Olympics Edition!
In This Skin | Story Bleed Magazine http://t.co/tRdtKPdc via @storybleed I'm so grateful to StoryBleed for featuring this today. <3
A beautiful post. In This Skin | Story Bleed Magazine http://t.co/CEpzw3iQ via @storybleed
Honest and compelling. In This Skin by @sthrnfairytale. Featured by story editor @pensieverobin http://t.co/gjP0XDBy
Twitter: ashleytaylor76
says:
WOW. You said what we all think. How we all feel. What we all know to be true. Thank you. There is safety in numbers and knowing you are not alone is often like a balm, a salve, and it can be more powerful than any candy or junk food.
thedoseofreality recently posted..WOULD I PAY MONEY FOR THIS: Labeling Your Children
Very powerful, Rachel.
Sadly the culture we live in celebrates thinness so, that as women we are always left to wonder if we are ever thin enough.
Twitter: daniellesmithtv
says:
So beautiful, my friend. And this? THIS: “sparkling eyes, your boisterous infectious laugh, your beautiful hair, your captivating smile, your heart, your elegant hands, your adorable sprinkling of freckles, the bounce in your step, your sassy-ness; ” Both your inner and outer beauty? It is all I have ever seen in you. You are a treasure…as a mother, as a friend, as a woman. xoxo
Danielle Smith recently posted..A Delightful Family Resort: Azul Beach in Cancun
Thank you. There is safety in numbers and knowing you are not alone is often like a balm..Skin is need to take care…
Candyce recently posted..yeast infection
Twitter: HipMom
says:
Rachel, what a beautiful post.
You, my darling, are not only gorgeous, truly truly gorgeous, but smart and funny and talented. Girl, you are the whole package and there ain’t nothing not to absolutely love and adore there!
But I do know that we are our own worst critics, and that is a tough hill to climb. I am working on that myself… and it’s always a work in progress. Much love, many hugs and a huge thank you for the inspiring read! mwah.
Elisa recently posted..Loving it!