Posts Tagged ‘ Humor ’

And Now For The Following CNN Entertainment Headline

And Now For The Following CNN Entertainment Headline

Entertainment Blog Nosh Magazine

{Originally published on I am Bossy}

Cnner2

After fourteen seasons and twenty-two Emmys, the popular medical drama E.R. is planning its final episodes which will air next February, prompting Bossy to say, “Wait—E.R. is still on?”

It’s been many years since Bossy watched this show—but in case you’ve never seen it, here is everything you need to know:

Georgeclooney



How to deal with trolls

How to deal with trolls

Social Media and Blogging Blog Nosh Magazine{Originally published on The Bloggess}

Yesterday someone asked me how to deal with trolls and haters. I have no damn idea.

Trolls are just like you and me. Only shittier. Or more honest. Or likely to murder gypsies. Fuck, I don’t know. I’m not a mind reader. I don’t know the motivation of everyone reading your blog but what I do know is that in real life you come across assholes and weirdos and someone out there is selling computers to these people. People like the guy who left me this comment:

“I was right, you aren’t that hot. Damn.”

I didn’t mind that some stranger thought I was un-hot but what was disconcerting was that in the photo the guy was referring to? I was seven. And totally hot.



That’s What I Like About You

Personal Blog Nosh Magazine

Originally published on Deb on the Rocks

I have a theory that humans take a fancy to the things that keep them in a perpetual state of foreplay. Not in a perpetual state of pre-orgasm, because as we have established, constantly living on the edge of a volcano could be a bit too much. But foreplay, a continuous state of desire, arousal, exploration and craving, that is the human preference.

Baseball, politics, film, cooking, eating, organizing, Viggo Mortensen,
aquariums, god only know what you are into. I’m betting that if we
could start in the part of your brain where your love of whatever it is
you love resides and follow the sparking and frayed wiring past where
it crosses the blue synapses and the firing yellow connections and that
knot of red wire, we would find a glowing hotspot in your neural
network that’s throbbing and straining to break through a zipper.

That said, I love the roller derby.

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Inner monologue upon finding an unfamiliar pink pill on the bathroom floor

Family Blog Nosh Magazine

Originally published on Deb on the Rocks

Oh my god. What is this? OH MY GOD?!?!? Who is taking pills? I will not survive these high school years, I won’t.

What
is it, speed, painkiller, what? I’ve never taken anything that looks
like that. What am I going to do? I need to sell this house and
homeschool these kids in Idaho until they are 21.

Crap. I need
to go to the pill I.D. website and describe this thing and find out
what it is. Then I’m going to track down the dealer and go freaky
bloody Kill Bill ninja MILF-on-fire lioness on his pathetic dealing
skanky existence. Who would sell pills to kids?!?! I’m going to pluck
out his eyeballs.

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To: the hearing impaired me. Love: the deaf me.

Personal

Originally published at Strange Musings of a Distracted Spunk.

While
browsing around the internet, I found an article I wrote when I was
nine. Fourteen years ago. I remember sitting in a hotel room with my
dad in upstate New York, on our last family vacation before my parents
divorced, patiently editing and revising and writing. Apparently, even
when I couldn’t write well, I still strove to write. Shows how much of
this is innate.
As
I read through, I laughed at my younger self. Things that didn’t seem
important to me then are now – isn’t that true of everyone? It just
goes to show how much we can change. Then I thought, what would I say?
Because the nine year old me has yet to see so much. In a post McGee wrote about time traveling, she asked what we would say to our past selves. I wrote, …honestly?
There’s nothing I can think of that I would tell myself. Though I
wouldn’t mind hearing from myself in five years and knowing where I am
then. I never really thought much about the future – just knew it was
out there. And someday it will be here.

I was such a pragmatic kid. *shakes head*
Looking
back, however, while I can’t go back in time, it’s like a little piece
of time caught up with me. So. From the twenty three year old me to the
nine year old me. A little slice of the future. Welcome, darling. It’s
been an interesting ride, and I gather it’s only going to continue
being bumpy.
Hi!
My name is DS. I am nine years old. I am hearing impaired. I wear
hearing aids. My little sister is also hearing impaired. That is what
this story is about.

Sweetheart.
This is not a story. A story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Or
some variation thereof. What you wrote? Is purely an article. I gather
for our age, we were rather intelligent. Not that that’s remotely a
surprise, given how intelligent and witty and charming we remain to
this moment, but it may take you a few years and MANY creative writing
classes to really understand what comprises a story.

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That One Time, When We Made Raisins In the Back Yard

Homemaking

Originally published on I Think We’re All Bozos on This Bus

Mom and Dad were industrious types, like their Irish-English ancestors before them. (Unfortunately, they became the end of the family line in that trait.) So it didn’t surprise me that they spent half a day picking grapes at a pick-your-own-grapes place shortly before I arrived for a visit. It didn’t even surprise me that they had picked a few 5-gallon buckets full, even though it was just the two of them at home then. Ten cents a pound! What more do you need to know?

Clearly, though, something had to be done with all those grapes before they went bad. So Dad and I embarked on our Make Your Own Raisins In the Back Yard project. The back yard in question was in Arizona, where it was well over 100 degrees, dry and sunny, so that was in our favor. All we had to do was figure out where we were going to put all the grapes while they turned into raisins.



Jennifer’s Fantasy Poker Tour

Blog Nosh Magazine Entertainment

Originally published on Thursday Drive.

Yesterday , I promised you a look at the list of players I would choose for my fantasy poker table.

If you click on the image below, you’ll get a better look at it (you’ll want one). In fact, when you get to the image on Photobucket, you can click it once more for the largest possible image.

Then come back here, and I’ll tell you my reasons for choosing each of them. Though, really, they hardly need explaining. (My only technical requirement was that they already know how to play poker.)

All photos borrowed from Google Images

The Lineup, by seat #

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It’s the Little Things that Improve my Life

Homemaking


Originally published on The Junk Pyramid.

I have a friend who reads The Junk Pyramid and is congratulatory to me on it. But I think she wonders why I am decluttering the locations that I am. When I cleaned off the top of my file cabinet in my Secret Closet, she sarcastically said something to the effect of, “Oh, that’s going to change your life.” It was less jerky than that, but had a similar sentiment.

This one’s for her.

Check. This. Out.: